Hear me

The other day, while I was at pyramid. I ran into some old faces, some people I haven't seen high school days, some of my junior. One of many that I was quite fond of.

Fond of because she always seem so bubbly and happy, and because I spent 9 days with her on a camp during my scouting days.

She's not only bubbly and happy, she was also rather straight forward, in a good innocent way not my straight forward kinda way.

The few of the first thing she said was she was surprise when she found out that Bobby*(code name, Michael Sam came up with it) and I broke up. And then as usual she ask why.

Yea sure I was rather taken aback by her, cause it happen earlier in the year but there wasn't any awkwardness in answering. I just went "it just happen."

And that all suddenly got me into using my brain. Trust me, I haven't use much of it since Wace.

And I realize, that I am actually quite happy being single. On my own with no one to constantly text or report to. Hell even my parents don't know where am I most of the time now.

Oh sure whenever I look at my friends with their respective other half there is this pang of longing for someone to cuddle, or is it to be at least seen with someone and not as that pathetic loner of the whole gang? Hmm peer pressure (hahhahha)

Oh well, I'll just go out more with my college mates seeing that most of that are still single instead of the Extended Family =p

But the truth was I was never the one who could commit. Surprise arent you? Seeing that I was with Bobby for 2 years. I have issues alright. Plus a little of fear of screwing things up.

Just to clear your mind, not being able to commit doesn't mean not capable of loving. And it also don't mean I cheated or what not.

It just meant, I felt a little not like myself. I do want and expect my future relationships to be all mature and serious and steady as well, but at this moment, I think I'm pretty happy this way. This way refers to thinking about a few people at the same time without feeling guilty.

That all doesn't make me a slut. Yea sure when the right guy comes along again then maybe I'll consider serious commitment. Maybe, one day.

A relationship involve too much drama and emotion as well as sometimes... its a hassle. Oh all just the dates you have to remember! Anniversary date, date of the day you guys went on your first date, date of the day you guys met each other, date of the day you guys share your first kiss, date of the day you guys first slept together, date you guys go for your first vacation together...you get the idea. This is where most of you busy bees go "THANK GOD FOR PLANNERS"

I'm not that bitter single old lady who will die with her 13 cats (don't that remind us of our moral teacher? =)) I don't oppose people in a relationship, I just oppose idiots who think fairy tales are real. Who won't stop going out to meet people just so to fasten up the process of meeting their prince in shinning amour/princess of their dreams. Or people who can only think of meeting their prince in shinning amour/princess of their dreams that they mistaken everyone they met along the way as that. That is down right desperate.

Or people who keep going on and on and on and on and on about how great is their love for their the other half while the the other half cheats on them. Or them cheating on their the other half because of their sexual need that seem like their partner aren't fulfilling.

Leave a comment if you have something to say, just don't come and burn my house down.

*name was changed just in case this post hurt their feeling. But I think it shouldn't seeing that they knew about it all along.

I think...

I've figure out what I want to do for the next couple of year to come.
Which is to look this cute!

Ok don't throw up.

But I really do think I've figure out what I want to do for the next couple of years down the road. Now it's just a little google here and there to get more information.

Had dinner with couple of college mates last night after doing some shopping with Kay, Jas, and JY. Good to see you people again. All that silliness =)

Tho I was pretty tired seeing that I slept at 5 that morning and got up at 11 just to get ready to go out.

Guess who I bump into yesterday =) Chris Felix nice to see you again after so long.

fill the blank

Here's a geek photo of yours truly, a very good looking geek photo btw.

I'm very......restless. As in nothing to do restless. I'm kinda sick of the mall already.

No wait, I'm sick of that feeling where you go to the mall and look at all that stuff you would love you buy and can't because your parents decided to cut your allowance.

And now that I'm restless, I feel angry as well as moody.

As for what am I angry at? I've yet to figure out.

I really should start figuring out what I want in life shouldn't I? Instead of doing what am I expected to do. Like for instant what am I gonna do with my break, then next would be what am I gonna study for the couple of years to come. Yes you can pretty much say I'm still pretty clueless.

"XJ, so what do you plan to study after Ausmat?"
"I'll let you know when I figure it out"
"...."

I thought I would know at this point. Wait, I should know at this point. But the truth is I still don't. I think maybe it's time to do some soul searching and look deep into myself about what I want in the future. Or I could always wait till I get my results, then apply for whatever that I'm qualify for.

Latter sounds less hassle and better way to make a decision.

I WANT TO CATCH A MOVIE. IN THE CINEMA.

Social circle

It's only been what? 3 days since the previous update, and my ever loyal reader is already bugging me to update.

So here's one for you Small Head Ken. Btw Ken, I update way more often than you do ok.

Something that's always been on my mind. Ever since I start making friends on my own, which meant since Tadika. Yes, sometimes when I have something on my mind, it wont go away for years.

See, I come across many people, people who try really hard to be accepted by their peers. People who would go lengths just to be notice and accepted, never fails to amaze me.

I tend to ask myself, is it really important to be accepted? Yea sure being a loner sux, but to the extend of where you can't be yourself? Is it really worth it?

I've seen people, especially girls, try so hard to be someone their not, or just flip into a new personality just so that they would be accepted into what is deem as the "popular" crowd. From someone who doesn't swear or ever skip a class, into someone who play truant and swear like that's all they have in their vocabulary.

Are we really that easily affected by peer pressure? Or those people just don't have a personality of their own that they have to try to act like someone else?

Back stabbers are the most scary ones. One who can one minute act all friendly and as tho you guys have been best friends for years and the next minute bad mouthed about you behind your back. I've known people like that, no, I wasn't the one they were bad mouthing about, even if they were I wouldn't know now would I?

I don't despise those people, I know everyone is entitle to their own opinion about someone else, but most of the time, I feel as though they do it out of jealousy more than anything else. I just pity whoever that was the aim at that moment. But at least we know, it will all blow over after awhile cause well, people tend to have short attention spend. They'll eventually move onto a new subject.

I've seen all those people in action just so often I try not to get involve in any. Yes, that's why I usually just sit there and listen, rarely voicing my opinion. The only time I would voice my opinion would be when I'm really piss with someone.

Some times to socialize with a new crowd is like making your way through a minefield. It can be scary, but exciting and fun at the same time.

Here we go

Im finally, truly done with Ausmat, now that LANS subject are all over with.

Our last 2 weeks was generally fun I guess. Torturing and tiring, yes. But at least it was fun. Especially deciding where to go for lunch everyday.

"Where to go for lunch today ah?"
"I don't know, some where far."
So here we go, from lunch at Pyramid to lunch at Ikea to lunch at FullHouse and Dim Sum at USJ21 as well as Bah Kut Teh at ss14 or lunch at Tropicana Mall and so forth.

I'm gonna miss those times.

Not feeling well.

People say I lost weight. Kay thinks it's because I emo too much. If emoing will help me lose weight I would definitely emo even more. But the truth is, this nocturnal habit of mine is the one that's making me lose weight. I stay up late at night that I usually sleep through breakfast and lunch the following day.

I finally realize what effect does alcohol have on me. It makes me momentarily brave. And cause I got so brave I tend to do some stuff that I regret later. Now I gotta live with that. Act like it never happen.

Someone asked why am I so emotionless. I say because being too emotional is hard work as well as it's tiring.

You know something is wrong with you if you say FML when you found out that you have some kind of feeling for someone.

How to people watch the right way

I love people watching. Just sitting around and watch people walk by, carrying out their daily life.

Most of the time Kay and I observe their clothes, usually zooming in on the shoes and bag first when a girl walk by.

It's perfectly normal for a girl to check out another girl. It's just weird when a dude check out another dude thats all.

After years of experience, I notice here are some common mistake people tend to do when people watching.

1. Pointing or any very obvious signals for eg commenting loudly about that person. Whatever that indicate your watching someone.

NEVER EVER POINT . I repeat, NEVER EVER POINT at someone that your gonna observe/check out. That usually gives you away. It's weird enough to have someone watching over you while your just walking around. It's really really weird and awkward when you actually hear what that total stranger person have to say about you. People would just that your a freak/weirdo/perv.

To people watch effectively, use eye contact signal with your friends instead. Of course to do that it usually take some skills and practice with your friend to get each other right. Kay and I are pretty good at that. She asked me check out a guy once and I walked into the ATM machine.

2. Staring openly and shamelessly.

I don't know which is worse, or more stupid while checking out someone, pointing or staring openly.

Staring at people openly and shamelessly is a big NO-NO. HUGE NO-NO. Mind you. It tend to scares the crap outta people or they might misinterpret it into (a) that your interested in hooking up with them. or (b) your a perv cause only retarded perv would stare openly at people like that. (c) your blind, you can't see anything and you won't know what your looking at cause you can't see.

Whatever it is, it's offensive and you might risk getting bashed up.

Try stealing glances instead. Act like your looking at something behind the person. Plus stealing glances is a good way to flirt, that is if your checking out some hot guy and you got caught. You know that whole act shy then flirt with some eye contact dance routine. Guys tend to find girls a little shy attractive. I have no idea why, but I suspect it got something to do with their male ego.

Christmas oh Christmas

Just woke up from my nap since this afternoon after the community service at Harvest Center kid's graduation event for our Moral studies project.

Its so fun to watch those small kids run around, go onto the stage and do their thing. They even had a play call "How the Grinch stole Christmas" (I love that show!)
Christmas is just round the corner. It's so near! Can you smell all that roast turkey?Hear the choirs?

Christmas, everyone's favorite time of the year. But I gotta admit, it haven't felt the same since you left.Yes you, Jijiman. Looking hot in the picture btw. Even hotter than me. wth

Christmas, its just not the same without your whole family around you. It feels a little empty (not to mention lesser present)

Every time during this time of the year around, I start to miss you more. My supposedly twin (cause we look alike as well as our birthday falls right next to each other's).

Who annoy the shit out of me when he's home.
Who constantly bug me about spilling who am I dating at the moment.(Well Jijiman, there isnt anything to tell cause I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.)
Who never seem incapable of growing any more mature (using rubber band to ambush and shoot at unsuspected victim is so not mature)
Who constantly nag me about choosing the right course after Ausmat/SPM.
Who still owes me money (=D)
Who gives me this, =.= whenever I answer what am I gonna do after my finals (take a lucky guess people)
Who acts as my go between with the rest of my family whenever an argument issued.

Ah Christmas.